These are all the pictures I colored and drew the week I was in the hospital. I had fun doing them but all they would allow us to have were crayons.
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Well, so, it's been a bit now (a week or two) since I've been out of the nuthouse and my medicine does now seem to be working well. There've been a few stumbling blocks but for the most part the medicine is keeping me from getting depressed, allowing me to focus on cleaning up, meditation, exercise, chores, and listing on ebay. All good stuff. Soon I hope to find more work but for the immediate future I actually am making a bit of income selling random things around the house that we've collected over the years. I've sold a candle, an Xbox power cord, some Xbox games, magazines, and Halloween decorations. It doesn't pay the bills, but we're working on that. Maybe if I were selling things for other people on Ebay, Etsy, and Amazon perhaps I could make a living doing this...
Also, we have my wife's disability claim getting done and we recently got favorable news from the doctor. I don't want to say good news because it's not good to be disabled and in need of help. But it's not bad to need help either, so, the news was favorable in that the doctor has determined that she does have a disability and is in need of assistance. Next month we see the judge and a couple two legal experts to see if they agree. And too we're enrolled in a program to get help filing for bankruptcy. While Randi and I are both very smart people, we just don't believe we have the time, patience, or ability to handle more stress and do all the work on our own. Thankfully they will allow us to make the $300 payment to them to file for us in three blocks so we'll actually probably be able to afford it soon. And while I thought we were consolidating our loans but this is asking to have our loans written off because our income is drastically inadequate I guess I'll just have to live with this failure as well. It is to our credit that we never gave up paying but have just come to the point where our health needs are overwhelming our time and money and to pay the bills would mean not taking our medicine which we both need. However, I know as an absolute matter of fact that the banks and credit card companies are making a nice profit even beside the direct loss they are taking from us. But we pay with the damage to our credit because we are good people and we deserve for society to cut us a break. Besides, hopefully in the future we'll be able to make it up somehow and repay our debt to society for helping us in our time of need. That's enough for now, all good stuff, I'm not sure what more to do with this blog other than bitch about life, and health, and money. But no one is really reading this anyway so no worries there. sincerely, Bryan Here's a new one to me that I find kind of funny. I'm starting out this blog post by talking about how cool it was to get comments on my previous blog post. lol! And while the commentator was a relative of mine, it is a great pleasure of mine now to be able to say with honesty to myself that my family does read and see my online (ie public) stuff. I'm one of those lucky (few? :( ) who have a very supportive family. And I'd like to take some credit for that as well since I'm a part of this family but I don't think it works like that. So instead, yes, I will just accept it very graciously.
At this time in my life my wife, Randi, and I have begun taking a free class at a church called Freedom in Christ. It's by some dude named Neil Anderson and while name dropping is kind of a thing, socially, I don't know (or care really) what doing that implies but it actually goes against my nature to do so. I believe that good information stands on its own but in this case I think that this guy is actually, maybe, possibly, one of those incredibly rare people who do things not because it benefits them but because it benefits all of us as a whole, together. As I listen to him speak on tape at some conference, which is the basis for understanding the materials of this class whom is taught by a very nice, and sharp old lady named Peg (no pun intended), I feel more at ease than usual and drop my guard a bit as my ears may actually not be getting filled with someone else's bull shit for once. And I have met Peg and she respects the man, and I respect her, therefore, I'll give him credit, who will only give credit back to God, which I very much enjoy because God will give credit back to me for graciously accepting this class. ... :D And now I'm using emoticons to express my feelings in a written, journal/blog thing. The high school english teacher in me is kicking my ass right now. So at that I'll leave off. It's 4:30 now and to get to the doctors office in time I'm thinking that I may want to try to cat nap soon; but, I'll just have to see what God has in store for me. Meaning, I never know how I'm going to feel about doing something later and I'll have to wait till the later Now to decide what I do next. :P I'm writing only because I wrote yesterday I really have nothing to say. Again, this is just therapy for me. i know no one will ever read it, know it, or criticize it.
Today I rode my bike to the mental health place to get assessed. I was 25 minutes too late. They open their doors at 7:45 and I got there at 8:10 and they were already full. Actually, I may have been later depending on how soon people start camping out in front of their doors, but anyway... Idk. It's a failure, yes, I could I have gotten there earlier and I knew I should have been there at least at 7:45 sharp but I failed. But really I just have to try again. They didn't permanently turn me away, just postponed my assessment for an indeterminate amount of time, probably just a day cause I'll try again tomorrow. And Yes, I do have a bus pass with unlimited rides but the buses don't even get started that earlier around here and once I got there I was good to go back home via bike again. The assessment place was at least kind enough not to bother me filling my water bottle from a fountain. That is all. My 2 bits for this day. Pitiful compared to the wonder and delight I actually experienced. Oh well, I'm a freak, a loser, a weirdo, and that's just what I do, I guess. :P I’m writing this blog as an act of therapy, especially because I know no one is going to be reading it, but primarily because if I don’t start doing something I’ll never actually do anything. That’s a problem I am well acquainted with…but this blog post is not about that. What I’m writing about now will “flow”. I’ve been told a great many number of times that the best state to be in is sober and in “flow”. And so I hate to report in journal or blog because just writing what has happened is kind of a waste of time. It is the lessons and examples of what has happened that are important. Still, I am reporting just for now because to me it is pertinent and I am in flow. I haven’t kept up with this blog because I was in jail for a month and a half, free for two weeks, and then went in for a psychiatric evaluation for another week as an inpatient at a behavioral health facility. … Kinda crazy, huh? And for obvious reasons I can’t just reduce those two experiences together or even one and then the other because there is just so much of a unique experience involved with them. To boil it down all together would far over simplify the experiences. But, needless to say, they were not exactly comfortable or good experiences. And so I've been wondering if the people who stumble onto my web site are actually reading this, please fill out this form if you have...please? I was just spraying grass down the drain at the car wash and I had this epiphany! If I had the ability to make technology, the economy, or spiritual revelation available to humanity at large I wouldn't bother unless I knew it would raise the lowest higher than the highest in our society. That is to say, there are a great deal of people out there who are doing great and have what some may call a charmed life. Of course, life is designed to cause failure so we all experience loss..and sometimes the loss is too much to bear (it isn't but it feels like it is). I feel happy for the people who have charmed lives..but I feel frustrated when those people don't turn around and help the people behind and/or below them. Rich vs poor...you know what I mean.
So lets say I had this device which could make the world far and beyond anything anyone could possibly have imagined what it could have been before. Like with telephone, tv, cell phone, space travel, the car, such and so forth... I would sit, and wait, and fine tune this device until it had a greater affect on the weak and the poor and the diseased (mentally and physically). And that's when the epiphany hit me! That's what Jesus was doing! I mean, he cared just as much about the rich as he did about the poor. People, humanity, life, pets, animals, bugs, fruits, plants...it is all of God and it is all great. And with acceptance of "God's" will (or karma, or happenstance, or fate, or destiny, or whatever you call it) we can know that everything is happening in the best way that it can be; but we all have to keep trying harder. Jesus preferred the weak, the diseased, the possessed (addiction), and the poor because he knew he could help them far more than the rich, the healthy, the confident and sure, and the powers of the world. And so this epiphany (if you have read this far, lol, no one reads my blatherings) just reassured me and emboldened me to accept that I am poor, weak, and human but I have a many great talents that I will continue to attempt to leverage towards the greater benefit of The People!.. ... because that's what Jesus would have done. Thank you God. Amen. sincerely, bryan That's right! Take this unique sneak peek from the inside of the bat cave And just for fun these are our balcony plants this year; beans, peas, and morning glories. Always morning glories! Both literally and figuratively it is storming. Literally I love storms but figuratively..I could use a break from "disaster life". It's not to say that we're terribly unhappy or anything but money, lack of car, rent, bills, $30,000 in student loan debt, and other/more for the past years is a bummer and I'd very much like to at least be stable.
But as always things are looking up. Our Ebay sales are almost $200 / month now and what has been slowing us down has been the amount we are allowed to sell, which Ebay just doubled! So that's good. And Randi and I have both filled out our Fafsa and are now just trying to find the time, energy, and money to apply at MSU so we can try to get a Master's and network with the college folk, respectively. Other than that, there is more good! But really I just felt the need to post here since it had been about three weeks since my last post and this blog thingy is going to be one of the things people look for to make sure I'm a real person, really doing stuff, and appear to be somewhat cool. So with the cool wind blowing in now post thunderstorm it's looking to be a very nice and productive day. I had an experience at Hy-vee today that I wanted to share with them and so I took their survey, hopefully I'll get that $500. I thought my message to them wrote out rather well and so I thought I'd share it with you here. The situation arose simply by my observation of two employees talking with one another. Here is what I wrote to Hy-vee. The one thing I've always appreciated about Hy-vee as being distinct from other stores is that their employees always seemed very happy. Employee happiness indicates to me a health of the store from the bottom up because if the bottom level employees are happy, the management is happy, and I can assume that the CEO and corporate are happy. Today I was enlightened to the opposite of that fact. Hy-vee employees at this store are not happy. The management is not happy. And, although the employee I spoke with insisted otherwise and that 'other' stores up north were doing well and happier I tend to see the truth of ground zero as being a general indication of health throughout the organization. The management is not happy and therefore, somehow and for some reason, corporate is not happy with their money tree. I don't want to see the decline of this company happen as I have seen the decline of other national companies just because the derps at the top don't believe the lower level employees are working hard enough for their carrots. Like I said, I have seen this happen before and it's not the employees fault for being too chatty about their opinions about the company with customers. I'm a human, they're human, and I do assume that corporate is composed of human beings, whom I love, but the upper level greed that is destroying the job market is also destroying the spirit of the American people and the people at the top don't seem to care. You can serve me better by showing fiscal responsibility in your personal lives and giving more of the people the opportunity for a "full time" number of hours per week. thanks, sincerely, bryan Also I want to point out that this is the summation of my efforts to work off the two hours of time that I had earned when my sister Lisa bought my Charity Pens of Justice for $10. This isn't all that she got but I thought she'd like this little bit too. :) There is nothing mega important going on right now, that's why the title is as such. The exclamation marks are merely a sarcastic statement since, as of yet for some bewildering reason, there is no sarcasm punctuation yet. I mean, that's dearly important and will help the world of text immensely...once we get past this zombie flu epidemic that is.
Anyway, I would much rather be playing some game right now but I felt it to be more important to post to this web journal thing. Mayhap I shall call this my Wejj. Sounds better to me than blog... I so dislike that word. Anyway, I have blisters on my hands from a 2 hour stint I took trying to resolve weed eater issues, but that eventually went no where. And before that I listed some things on Ebay. I'm right now in a state of, "I feel like I'm doing the right thing but I wonder if it will all really work out". I must say it's a good state to be in because I feel good doing the right thing but the not knowing is...certainly a not good feeling. I do trust in God but I do also know that much of what I do is not perfectly aligned with what God would have me do. If a person could manage that then they could know far into their future that everything will not only be 'alright' but 'might dandy', I should say. Kidding aside,.. I will try harder. So now I have about an hour before Randi comes home from doing actual bill paying work and I need to figure out what's for dinner. Aside from that, I think I will do just a bit more of conquering the world. But that's all. I need to write a script to post with each of my Ebay listings to help people know who I am and where their money goes when they purchase from me. I think that that kind of window between purchase and karma is something that people are wanting now adays, maybe even craving. But I don't know. I just think that if you are telling the truth and doing good things that you don't have to hide who you are and what you are doing. I'll tell you now that I have vices that I know you wouldn't approve of,.. and they cost, but I believe everyone does and everyone seems to be entitled to at least one and a half vices. I'll save my reveals for later but the thing is, about my finances, I don't think I will ever need to hide what's going on there because I believe that we can move into a new economy where we know where our money goes and who it goes to and what happens after that. Because, in a sense, we are karmically obligated to support factions that sell things to us that use their profits to either make their products better, their employees happier, or the world a better place somehow. And you know that there are companies out there that are managing things so that they can get just as much money as possible from people. Well, I take issue with that and I think that if the good people can show more of where they are putting their money to to do whatever as long as it is necessary and/or good then Huzzah! We have done it! The world will be a better place. I can guarantee it. The last week has been quite amazing. Let's start with the movie The Jacket.
If you haven't seen The Jacket you should probably consider watching it at the right time in your life. Which is to say, if you're anything like me some movies can really stir you from the inside and if you also believe that you can put forth intentions into the future and have them coalesce at just the right time somehow then that is what you will want to do with The Jacket. Because you couldn't actually know when the right time to watch this movie actually would be and I can't lead you into knowing the proper time by explaining anything. It just has to be one of those, as I say, "God things". But if you have seen the movie then you know what I'm talking about. It's kind of a cross between Jacobs Ladder and Donnie Darko. Note: If you haven't seen one or the other of those two movies then...I don't know what to say, maybe either movies don't stir you from the inside like they do me sometimes or maybe you just aren't watching the right kind of movies. Apocalypse Now. AND, so... Things I've done. 1) Reorganized my Ebay and Amazon sales setup in my front room and have set up a method for keeping track of what I've sold, for who, how much, and how much I owe them. 1a) What I am ready to do now is find more people with more stuff to sell, ie, thrift stores and people I find through Craigslist. Networking is key in everything I do from here on out. 2) Yesterday and last night had a totally spiritually satisfying experience talking with my mom, Aunt Patti, and Christian. Each conversation developing an energy in my life which coalesced into working out a better visual aid for understanding how I am already networking and how I need to network more. How my non profit organization Saving the World, Inc, LLC will work in tandem with my other projects. Namely, one project that I am just boggled about how cool it is is the idea of creating a suit of "armor" intended to be intimidating looking and attention drawing for use during protests. This is project code named Iron Man for it seems that if we had the money, resources, or know-how to even do it then each suit made would almost necessarily be different from the last due to the need for a difference of form and function. But what may be the colloquial name for the suit if/when we finally do gather the resources to put together one of these funny/groovy things may be, "The Cop Blocker". Lol! Not because it has the intent of stopping an officer of the law from being able to do the activities of his job role but because of the crazily funny play on words in that it sounds a lot like, "cock blocker". So it's a kind of statement suit made for protests but not really meant to be an actual force to be reckoned with. And well kiddies that's all the time I have for today. Enjoy! :D sincerely, bryan |
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