But as always, I need and can do more. So far the things I've been doing have just been shades of the ultimate idea I'm trying to pull together into reality. Basically all the blog posts, Youtube uploads, and irl work that i'm doing is just an exercise in 'doing' rather than the ultimate incarnation of what I hope to be doing with it all. But it is that I keep trying to do these things consistently and better is what makes me feel good about it all. I believe that what Randi and I are going through right now is just another test and lesson, a character building experience which will enable us to be all the more awesome in the future (although I think I can speak for the both of us in saying that we're probably about as awesome now as we'll ever want to be and to get placed into a better field of life NOW where we can go on about our awesome way and do good things while having fun and stuff would be great right about now).
But since we don't seem to get much of a choice in the matter since I refuse to quit asking for more and better RIGHT FREAKING NOW, we are forced into dealing with progressively more difficult situations until our character matches the super epic awesomeness that I envision for our lives. I think the real tough part about it all is that while I want greatness I absolutely refuse to sacrifice my dignity or my integrity of what I know is right and continue in persisting with a mentality that I can make this world better regardless of what the world thinks.
So here's a list of things that I know I need in order to both stabilize our situation and make the world better. First and foremost I need full time work. It's not that I haven't been applying it's that for some reason I am failing in applying the right way because I am consistently turned down for both awesome and derpster work. So in so far as I no longer have much of a choice as to waiting out for more awesome work and we no longer have a working car I think the most prudent thing would be to apply at the fast food restaurants and grocery stores nearby because then I can walk to work with no trouble through the cold winter weather time.
Second, posting on this bloggy thing on a more regular basis would be good because as I have lost almost all of my fear for revealing possibly questionable personal information online; writing in here can take over as my journal. I mean, at this point I don't expect anyone to ever read through all this anyway, it's really just a way for me to sort things out for myself in my own mind. If people ever do start reading it well then maybe it'll help them sort out things for themselves in some way. But my continued refusal to accept less than the "world I think is right" even if people do start reading this it will only close doors to people, companies, and worlds that I don't want to be a part of anyway. If you can't accept me for the open, honest, and hard working individual I continually prove myself to be then I don't want to work for your crappy ass organization anyway. Besides which, the direction I'm going in is more conducive in an environment where I am in charge and with total creative freedom, anyway.
Thirdly, more and more focused Youtube videos would be good. The freedom I now enjoy is really just a trialing period where I'm testing to see what I feel comfortable with posting of my life and my wacky behavior for the whole world to see. Eventually some of this early stuff may be taken down in order for the channel to mature a bit and become something more of the expression in the world for which I wish it to be. Still, the short blurbs and interesting things I record are a good way to see how the whole Youtube thing works and to try new ideas to see if I can make any money at it whilst making the world a better place. But spending a little more time in the production of a few videos would be good for the whole project and a good exercise in using the software and other tools of the trade.
Fourthely, <-- (intentionally misspelled because I'm a damn philosopher and a poet and I have the Right, Responsibility, and Duty to manipulate language to try out new things) Randi and I have a couple of ideas we want to try out on Kickstarter and that could be just the thing that pulls us out of this financial black hole we are currently in. I don't see it as a likely venue but I do see Kickstarter funding things that I think are stupid and being done by stupid people. Our ideas are neither of those things and so like how I see stupid people doing stupid pointless things on Youtube and thinking that with a little practice I can easily do it better, make money, AND make the world a better place too think that Kickstarter is a way of accomplishing those goals in exactly the manner of the namesake of the website.
Lastly, get a real job. That is easily the first and last thing that I need to be doing right now and I am more than capable of making that happen with at least one of the fast food or grocery stores in the block I live in. In fact, having a bottom feeder job like that will enable me to do the great job I always do when I work without me having to worry that I'm going to post some nonsense online that will accidently get me fired. OR, if that does happen I can just wheel on over to the next dump, because seriously, I do awesome work whether I'm at the call center, cleaning some dudes garage, working in an office, promoting something or someone, or frying up some deliciously heart clogging fries. Anyone would be lucky to have me working for them and recently many real people have found that out. But what I need is consistent work and promoting myself to individuals online, via contacts, and through Craigslist and whatnot has just not been paying the bills like I had hoped it would.
For now, less writing, more doing. That is all.