What else, what else... Well, I still haven't found my paper journal so this is still taking its place. I guess what I'm after is less of an expression to other people but an introspection into my self so that I can know where I'm at and where I'm going.
Right now with all this stuff going on I do not feel overwhelmed quite at the moment and that is very good. Of course, there's never been anything riding on accomplishments with my side projects except to benefit my own psyche but when my momentum slows down and I find myself lounging around or wasting time I get very frustrated with myself and somewhat overwhelmed by my own ideas, intents, motivations (or lack thereof), and stuff. Stuff..always more stuff, more ideas, more discoveries of the world, people, and beyond. What I'm after right now is some sort of scaffolding to understand where I'm at now, which direction I'm headed in, and how that generally applies to the larger vision I have for my actions and the world.
Right now we are having quite a bit of fun goofing off with making videos, editing them, and whatnot. Actually, the editing has made it past its first phases and now I'm thinking more of my time ought to be put into writing scripts for videos having more of a plot and whatnot. Tomorrow, Scott who owns the car wash I'm working at wants me to be there from noon to five so I should have ample time to think about scripts.
I suppose I'm using video editing as a form of stress release now because I have so much fun playing with the distortions, mashing them up, speeding up, slowing down, and just generally making a hilarious mess out of something that was originally a boring nothing.
I'm almost finished playing through Final Fantasy Tactics A2 A Grimore of the Rift and while that has so far ate up 111 hours of my time (I love that it keeps track of that because it helps me to put into perspective how much time I waste doing nothings when I could be doing somethings that I learn and grow from) the storyline has been very motivating. I have philosophies that bolster the habit of framing ones own life intentionally including fantastical and visual elements and those are particularly emphasized in the storyline of this game. And what I mean about my philosophies is that I believe when a person can take people and situations in their life and add more elements to it those mental elements can affect either reality or at very least our perspective of the reality.
What I'm trying to say is that our perspective shapes our reality and since we are in control of our interpretation of what we see in reality we are also in control of the reality we perceive. The simplest way I like to go about with this is by visualizing better things on top of what I see. In the shower I envision that the water is also cleansing the dirty feelings and such from my soul and the bad stuff washes down the drain and out to a blank eternity where it can't hurt anyone ever again. Another thing I do is to give people the benefit of the doubt when I don't know for a fact what the truth behind their end of the situation is. The latter is far more complicated in my mind but it's actually easier to see how giving people the benefit of the doubt is more optimistic and healthier for the psyche rather than condemning them for some crime or failure. There's actually another tidbit from philosophy that pertains to that as well. People never do something that they believe is wrong. Even in the most extreme cases, even when they later apologize, even when they know the consequences and they do the thing again; people never do something that they believe is wrong. People are, of course, inconsistent, which makes this philosophy easier to understand but when you consider that people are always doing what they think is best or totally ignorant of the negative effects of their actions then it's a lot easier to forgive them since, in a sense, they are at least trying to do better for themselves and those around them. Even if the effects and consequences harm themselves, you, and others around them a person is always choosing either consciously or subconsciously to do the best thing for themselves (which in almost all cases takes some account of their social environment, the people around them).
Sooooooooooo, anyway, I think I've said about what I'm doing now but not how this works into later. O ya! Basically I am to continue doing what I'm doing but when I lay down to sleep or meditate I need to visualize and believe that more and better things are coming my way. I need to think about what it'll be like when I have more money and work than I know what to do with. I want to be prepared to deal with a great deal of stress while gaining control of the triggers of that stress. I want to be completely in control of myself and my environment around me. And while that seems like a radical concept now, the more I buy into believing the idea that this state of poverty is temporary and fame and fortune are just around the corner weird and wonderful opportunities continue to arise, not to mention much better sleeping dreams for some reason. So basically I should just continue to do what I'm doing and be patient with the process as my life is karmically reorganized to fit in the world with me and mine as a better part of it.
Another thing that would help this process would be to write more about how I think the world should be and how I envision it happening. In a sense, business plans to help my subconsciousness be able to call and recognize the opportunities as they present themselves. One aspect of that is to be happy and never too tired to do a little more if something crops up suddenly. But writing out these plans,..I can start anywhere and at any time in the future. I should include examples of the past, and I will have fun doing it. The hardest part in choosing what to write about has always been where to start because frankly this world is so warped and broken it needs worked on from every aspect at once. A lot of what I write will be too idealistic and things will always change once the process is started but just to have my intentions stated, and to the world even, then I think I'll be attracting the right attention, both spiritual and mundane.