It's kind of hard to explain. I've been doing things and accomplishing things but I'm not really feeling inspired by what I'm doing. In fact, lately, my work place and home place environments have been fairly taxing to my emotions. Different reasons in each case but basically altogether I feel like I'm the bad guy. I don't like being the bad guy. I would choose to be the bad guy if it made good people better but in this case I'm just the bad guy and there's no benefit to anyone for it.
One easy solution to that situation is to stop doing the things that make me the bad guy and to do more of the things that make me the good guy I like to be. One such thing is exercise. But my hold up there is that both my wife and roommate are interested in doing that as well but I seem to be their only motivation to do it. So I feel like I should include them in my exercise doings but it has been hard to find the time and motivation myself and basically they aren't inspiring me to our collective betterness. It's not their job and not their problem but in my psyche, the way that I work, it is hindering me. I'll probably need to just push through it and make a start of it but I'm looking for the right time because I don't like starting something that I'm not likely to keep up.
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About an hour later and I did some video editing with my roommate and that was some good fun. We figured some things out and made something kinda funny. Also, I figured out how I feel. It is alienated, dirty, and confused. Good to know, and an odd combination to me. Idk, but I suppose everyone has to go through this kind of thing. I guess I always figured I'd be exposed to a huge variety of conditions and this one is a little different for me.
So I kind of know the problem and the solution and now it'll just take some time and more meditation to sort it all out I guess. More later.