However, I've recently come to a solid conclusion of one philosophical truth of the human condition. And I know what goes through your mind when you read that so I'll try to be quick about it.
Recently I have discovered (don't ask me how) that there is one thing that as soon as I think it I begin to cry and if I allow the thought to persist I will sob so viscerally as to shake my very core and run mucous everywhere lost in despair. That thought is the truth of how much pain, suffering, angst, and despair I have caused for my wife, Randi. I'm tearing up now.
But then (also, don't ask me how) last week some serendipity happened, as seems to happen regularly in my life for reasons beyond my understanding. And the serendipity was such that it finally clicked for me and I knew that beyond any shadow of doubt, there is a God. And even now when I consider how much I've been through and how every little bit of it has played a role in shaping me into the person I very much like to be now I can't help but to laugh. And the more I consider it the more I laugh with a joy incomparable with anything else because I have been searching for God for so long and while I do know that I don't have proof I can use to show God's presence to someone else, in my mind a fantastically great number of switches have been flipped such to the effect that I don't really believe in God on faith anymore but by a kind of knowledge and experience. I know.
And because of my incredibly moving emotions that I can conjure in myself at a whim when I think of either of those two things I determined one truth about life which is often quipped of as being, "So simple a child can understand it, yet so complex that an intellectual cannot." The truth is simply that every thing, everything, in reality wants your love. People for sure, but dogs and cats do obviously, horses, you name it. But I don't stop there, I believe that fish, amphibians, reptiles, and insects can feel our love too. And show the insects that you don't fear them, instead, respect their space and if you can be sincere about it I tell you they will respect your space too. And finally, it has been said in a thousand different ways, and I don't understand it, but you can love rocks and water, air and fire. In the same way that the gravitational field of matter pulls at all other matter in the Universe no matter how far away, and that an electo-magnetic field extends infinitely (although with rapidly decreasing effect) into the Universe, I believe love is attached to some kind of mind field that can reach anyone, anywhere. And crazy as that might sound you have felt love and the lack thereof. I have witnessed far too much serendipity concerning love emotions to believe any more that it is just a coincidence. And whether love is part of a mind field, love is the field, or however it works, it doesn't at all matter. Because from the young to the old and everyone in between, we can feel it and we know when we're loved. Everything in this Universe, everything in reality, wants your love.
I encourage you to ask for proof of this. Because, for 20 years I've been asking for some truth, and/or proof of God, to center myself and I have suffered greatly to discover what I have. And yet, I know, that my proof is not your proof. It just doesn't work that way, you have to want it and it has to be shown to you in your own way. But the relief of knowing beyond any shadow of doubt that there is meaning to life and it is a purpose I whole-heartedly agree with, is priceless.
And just to be clear, I do believe this is an actual aspect of physical reality and I'm fairly certain I'll find a way to prove that it exists. That love exists as a real thing and can be given or withheld. Initial experiments have been very promising however it's likely until our financial situation calms down and I find my pace at school I won't have much real time to work on this.
Ballsy, eh?